Pick me up song!

I am not going to lie, every time that I have had downtime this week I have ended up worrying that we may never conceive. So when Mike and I cuddled up to watch our show the other night I asked him to not let this go too far (to protect me from my struggle to let things go when I want something so badly). We decided that we want a baby, but we don't want this “want” to overshadow or take away from the kids that we already have. We decided that we don't want to take any extreme measures, and we are not currently interested in adoption. My dream for this was to get pregnant, and have a baby with the man that I love. However we adore the kids that we have and could be abundantly happy exactly the way our family is. So we made a deal that we are giving this 100% to God, because obviously “control freak” Jacqui isn’t having any luck ;) We prayed about it, and set a date that if we haven’t conceived we will take this as God’s sign that we are on the wrong road, and will put the baby’s savings account into something that will build our marriage or family.
Then, yesterday, I heard a song on the radio… It was one of those “this song is just for me” moments! I quickly pulled it up on my phone (Thank God for smart phones lol), and I have listened to it over and over since. Above all of my dreams of being the perfect wife and mother of 3 is my desire to be on the road my God wants me on… to live my life not for myself, but for him.
Do I believe that God gives me the desires of my heart? Yes! But I also believe that they are not always exactly the way the I thought they would be, and honestly I have ended up so thankfully surprised when God’s plan came to fruition instead of mine so many times.
So this is my new pick me up song! I hope you like it!

Month 4 begins... I think?!?!

So the week of Thanksgiving has come and gone, and none of the "real girl" symptoms that we expected to start are here at all!! However, sigh, there are no pregnancy symptoms either :(  I took a test on Wednesday, and it was negative... 
It looks like I am not as much of a "real girl" as I thought I was. Yes, this comes with some very obvious pros like I am not crampy, crying, or considering the death of anyone. But is has also brought to light our #1 concerns: I may never cycle like most women which will make it much harder then we hoped to get pregnant.
It is funny how something about me that was such an awesome side effect to my health problems before, now has me so terrified!

As my general consolation prize I had a glass of wine with my sisters on Thanksgiving, and spent the weekend thankful I didn't have to deal with any kind of womanly aliments. We had a great time catching up with family, going to the movies, decorating for Christmas, and getting in the Holiday Spirit!
Despite the background worry this really was one of the best Thanksgiving weeks I have ever had!  

I have a few more days before either side of the female coin is ruled out for sure. We have an appointment at the end of the month to see a specialist to decide if pin pointing an ovulation schedule is something that my body will allow. For now I am just focused on getting ready for Christmas, and spoiling the babies I already have! 

Wishing, hoping, planning, and praying!

I realize that we haven't been trying long at all, but I have never wanted something like this before! Both of our kids are from previous relationships, and to say they were not planned is a huge understatement. So far in life when I want something, I want it now, and it happens!
I wanted to marry Mike, so I did the next month. I am known at work for the speed I do things, if you want something done fast I am your girl. But this isn't something I get control over the speed at which I get it, and that has turned me a bit crazy!!!
Thankfully, I have a fantastic husband who knows how to handle me when I start to freak out, and can make me smile when I forget how happy I am that we are getting to experience the planning part of having a baby together!


Today I am just thankful that no matter what happens in our future baby's life he/she will have my passion, and a strong, patient, incredible daddy who will love us both so much!!
Until then he says we can pick names and go doctor shopping...YAY!! 

Let the baby making begin!

Like most couples Mike and I went into marriage with big dreams of our future together, and those definitely included having a child together. We both came into our marriage with a child, both loved being parents, and wanted to experience the joy of having a baby in a strong Christian Marriage! 

Well over the next years Mike and I took turns wanting, and not wanting a child at the time. Then one day I realized that the dream of being a mom was one given to me by God, and it was not going anywhere. I decided to tell Mike that I for sure wanted a baby thinking he would get mad I changed my mind, which is crazy cause Mike never really gets mad... Especially not at me! But I went ahead and put the ball in his court to decide what was best for our family. He prayed, we talked about everything that it would change, and we prayed.

A few days later Mike and I were officially on the exact same page!!

(We have a note board in our Kitchen that we write different love notes to each other, 

and give each other good news)

While making Jenna breakfast I looked up and read...

I melted… I cried…and I never cry! I called my husband to thank him for loving me & our future so much, and then called my doctor's office! 

So started the adventure of our baby!